Love Fests, Bear Spray, and Brave Politicians
by Adam Rangihana
by Adam Rangihana
National Guard Chronicles: Love Fests, Bear Spray, and Brave Politicians
National Guard Chronicles: Love Fests, Bear Spray, and Brave Politicians
In June 2025, Los Angeles erupted into protests, and President Trump, always eager to flex his law-and-order muscles, swiftly dispatched 2,000 National Guard troops into the city—much to the annoyance of California Governor Gavin Newsom and Mayor Karen Bass. Newsom decried this as an "unprecedented breach of state sovereignty," clearly overlooking how Trump has diligently turned such breaches into a well-rehearsed national pastime.
The protests were ignited by controversial immigration raids, leading demonstrators to kindly introduce law enforcement officers to the fragrant bouquet of bear spray and the electrifying experience of attempted taserings. Clearly, these protesters misunderstood the approved protest etiquette from January 6, 2021, where the Capitol visitors politely only brandished their bear spray and tasers as symbols of patriotic affection.
In a delightful subplot, Australian reporter Lauren Tomasi daringly stepped into the path of a rubber bullet while live on air. One must marvel at the audacity of foreign journalists, thinking they can simply report the news without being gently reminded of their place by a well-aimed projectile. Perhaps Tomasi missed the memo that America’s streets during civil unrest are the domain of rubber bullets first, journalism second.
Meanwhile, memories of January 6 remain a point of American nostalgia, particularly among those who recall it fondly as the nation's largest-ever "love fest." Indeed, what other term would suit an event where Capitol windows were simply opened with passionate enthusiasm and barriers politely moved aside by participants eager to demonstrate their love for democracy? Such gentle activities hardly compare to the barbarism of L.A. protesters inconsiderately spraying police and interrupting business-as-usual looting etiquette.
Let us also spare a moment to praise Democratic politicians during both crises. They displayed remarkable courage by promptly huddling under their desks, clutching their phones, valiantly tweeting out support from the safety of their well-appointed offices. These noble leaders demonstrated conclusively that true bravery involves securing oneself safely indoors and issuing strongly-worded statements condemning whichever riot inconveniences them most directly.
Of course, the real star remains Donald Trump. His decisive action in deploying the National Guard without state consent boldly pushes America toward his cherished vision of creating "the greatest authoritarian state in history." One wonders if Vladimir Putin, presumably sipping tea in Moscow, ever imagined that his greatest strategic success would not be nuclear missiles or espionage, but backing a reality-TV star turned political Trojan horse. Indeed, after decades of Hollywood fantasies depicting dramatic attacks on America, who could have guessed that the ultimate stealth attack would be accomplished by a leader with a distinctive hairstyle and a gift for branding?
So as Los Angeles simmers down under the watchful gaze of Trump's troops, one thing is clear: America remains a place where political drama unfolds with the subtlety of a rubber bullet—and where "love fests" and bear sprays are just part of the colorful fabric of democracy.
In June 2025, Los Angeles erupted into protests, and President Trump, always eager to flex his law-and-order muscles, swiftly dispatched 2,000 National Guard troops into the city—much to the annoyance of California Governor Gavin Newsom and Mayor Karen Bass. Newsom decried this as an "unprecedented breach of state sovereignty," clearly overlooking how Trump has diligently turned such breaches into a well-rehearsed national pastime.
The protests were ignited by controversial immigration raids, leading demonstrators to kindly introduce law enforcement officers to the fragrant bouquet of bear spray and the electrifying experience of attempted taserings. Clearly, these protesters misunderstood the approved protest etiquette from January 6, 2021, where the Capitol visitors politely only brandished their bear spray and tasers as symbols of patriotic affection.
In a delightful subplot, Australian reporter Lauren Tomasi daringly stepped into the path of a rubber bullet while live on air. One must marvel at the audacity of foreign journalists, thinking they can simply report the news without being gently reminded of their place by a well-aimed projectile. Perhaps Tomasi missed the memo that America’s streets during civil unrest are the domain of rubber bullets first, journalism second.
Meanwhile, memories of January 6 remain a point of American nostalgia, particularly among those who recall it fondly as the nation's largest-ever "love fest." Indeed, what other term would suit an event where Capitol windows were simply opened with passionate enthusiasm and barriers politely moved aside by participants eager to demonstrate their love for democracy? Such gentle activities hardly compare to the barbarism of L.A. protesters inconsiderately spraying police and interrupting business-as-usual looting etiquette.
Let us also spare a moment to praise Democratic politicians during both crises. They displayed remarkable courage by promptly huddling under their desks, clutching their phones, valiantly tweeting out support from the safety of their well-appointed offices. These noble leaders demonstrated conclusively that true bravery involves securing oneself safely indoors and issuing strongly-worded statements condemning whichever riot inconveniences them most directly.
Of course, the real star remains Donald Trump. His decisive action in deploying the National Guard without state consent boldly pushes America toward his cherished vision of creating "the greatest authoritarian state in history." One wonders if Vladimir Putin, presumably sipping tea in Moscow, ever imagined that his greatest strategic success would not be nuclear missiles or espionage, but backing a reality-TV star turned political Trojan horse. Indeed, after decades of Hollywood fantasies depicting dramatic attacks on America, who could have guessed that the ultimate stealth attack would be accomplished by a leader with a distinctive hairstyle and a gift for branding?
So as Los Angeles simmers down under the watchful gaze of Trump's troops, one thing is clear: America remains a place where political drama unfolds with the subtlety of a rubber bullet—and where "love fests" and bear sprays are just part of the colorful fabric of democracy.
